Dear anyone waiting for “that moment” of validation and purpose, Do you ever keep pushing and showing up in life with uncertainty about why you are doing it? Wondering whether all the hustle will be worth it or ever be enough? Will you ever be able to “have THAT moment” when you realize you are worthy and you are doing good?
I kept waiting for the signs and that moment to reveal itself. And then it did! Friday afternoon after a long ass week and a really long ass several weeks of grownupping, mommying, and psychologisting I had “that moment”.
I woke up Friday morning with the power to crush my day. To leap into spring break without waking up to a damn alarm for a few days! I efficiently gauged my day to make sure I was on time for my appointment at Social Security to finally, (after several months of torture), legally change my name to Dara DeLeon.
As I rushed out the door, I put on my S.H.I.F.T. hat for the first time to commemorate the accomplishment of successfully publishing a book. (Thanks to all the support of my wonderfuls!)
On my way home from the Social Security office I stopped to get wine for a new friend. I was drawn into this urban winery named Pleb when visiting Asheville two years ago– when I made the decision to move to North Carolina. It seemed fitting to stop there, where I first felt connected to Asheville, because I actually contracted on a house this week to further my commitment to rooting myself in the Asheville community.
I walked into Pleb, bought the wine and paused for a moment! I am always moving and doing and plotting and planning. I looked up long enough to notice an empty couch with elephant pillows and sun rays hitting it just right.
I’m not much of a drinker if at all, but it felt like the thing to do–to celebrate my happy hour. With my new name, my new hat, my new level of accomplishment, my permanent Asheville address, and a connection to my independence–I sat my ass down. I called my husband and said, “I got distracted, I will be home a few minutes late to go to baseball practice!”
I can’t say I am surprised by the way my afternoon unfolded or “that moment” in particular. I repeatedly wished for it to happen, I just didn’t know when “it” would show up. I’ve been writing with specificity and in detail about “that moment” in my S.H.I.F.T. journal for quite some time. The possibility often felt impossible or unattainable. Sometimes even discouraging. It is scary to write down the things you want in the world without worry of rejection or fear it won’t happen. Then, the hardest part is to keep showing up with hope for “that moment” to actually appear. The moral of the story is things don’t accidentally happen–we make them happen. If I want to have an unapologetically kick ass life, I have to do kick ass hard things, even when it is messy. My feelings are not facts or the reality of my existence, nor is me settling to be F.I.N.E. (f*cked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional). In that moment, with that breath, and with that space on that couch with the sun warming my soul I recognized more than ever the importance for me to establish my dreams. In order to establish and live my dreams I need to be clear what my needs are for my time alone, with family, with friends, for romance, fun, recreation, and hobbies.
Here’s to me kicking off a week for spring break with my family and carving out space to dream and to the continuation of “this moment”.
Your No bull-shiFt, mental fitness, advice giving, S.H.I.F.T. Powerful Planner and Journal for an Unapologetically Kick Ass Life author, shame abolishing, health advocator and doer,
Dr. Dara P.S. If “these moments” feel far for you, unclear, or non-existent–S.H.I.F.T. with me. Take a couple hot seconds to get really clear on what YOU want and start feeling joy alone, with others, having hot dates, making vacation plans, and increasing your sense of connection.