Dear anyone that has ever felt stuck, uncertain or unable to make a decision,
The world has been crazy weird over the past couple years, right? It seems like we have all been put in positions to make life changes or have the opportunity to see important stuff from new perspectives.
What I have heard most as a mom, psychologist and healer is the difficulty of making tough choices about very complicated things and people being tormented with indecision about simple matters.
Then, I started thinking…I don’t know why it is called “making a decision”?
If you think about it, decisions make you. They find you and sort themselves out. In my experience, the harder I try to make a decision, the further from the answer I get.
Let’s face it, when you are unsure about something and you think about it, you tilt your head, squint your eyes, begin shaking, your heart rate elevates, your pits sweat, or your sphincter literally tightens up–the answer is probably NO–it is not something you want.
How do I know this? Like I said, been there–done that–bought the tee shirt–wore it–stressed a decision–and gave up! Indecision happens to everyone–it leads us to TRUTH. I know that when I do want something, my body feels loose and I effortlessly say yes without any leaking from my pores (a.k.a. sweating) or involuntary spasms. FYI: Wanting to want something does not qualify as a yes either.
So, what do you do when you can’t decide on something? NOTHING! Doing nothing gives space for a decision to come to you instead of you “making it”.
I have a do nothing trick: It is called the F*ck It Bucket! Yes, the F*ck it Bucket! Go ahead, read it out loud! Makes you laugh, right? It is like the idea of taking a bunch of sh*t and throwing it against the wall and seeing what sticks. Except there is no sh*t throwing involved. Technically, this is a game of sh*t un-throwing.
When there is a decision to be made, you feel overwhelmed with something, can’t decipher your feelings or can’t figure out what to do next… Put it in the F*ck It Bucket.
The F*ck It Bucket is a bucket similar to a sand pail with a shell strainer at the top. You know, when you take shells and put them in the bucket and the sand, gunk, and dirt drips off to the bottom. The ick sifts off what you put at the top and then eventually you are left with the goods. After it has sat in the bucket, the valuable good stuff stays at the top and the sh*t drops off. Now, let’s apply this to our stickiest, most annoying decision “we have to make”.
Literally or metaphorically put it in the F*ck It Bucket. Take the dilemma and put it in the bucket, in the strainer and do nothing with “it” for 24 hours. Leave it there, let it swirl, sink, or float! If you are like me and 24 hours feels like forever, at least give it a few hours. Come on, there is no decision that cannot wait 3 hours. If you have to decide how you feel about something or determine something in less time than that, then the answer is NO, because what the hell is that important that you have to know RIGHT now.
When you return to that thing you left in the F*ck It Bucket that you thought was SOOO imminent and important, you will be pleasantly surprised how much energy and power it lost. Note to self: FEELINGS FADE UNLESS RE-STIMULATED! Upon your return to the F*ck It Bucket you will not even have to make a logical, rational choice. It will be clear. The decision will have been made by you. You will know what your next move should be.
F*ck It Bucket Rules:
– No decision is too big or too small
– 24 hour recommended hold (3 hour minimum hold)
– One Decision at a time; only on rare occasion can you put two decisions in at a time
– If you are too overwhelmed about what to put in the F*ck It Bucket: Rank your concerns (1,2,3…) and prioritize #1 first
– If your first response is a YES - THE ANSWER IS YES (Don’t F*ck It Bucket a YES!!)
– If your sphincter tightens up so tight you get wrinkles when you think of the idea - the answer is NO, don’t waste your time F*ck It Bucketing it!!
The moral of the story, in a life full of so muchness, fast technology, and increased sense of urgency… do nothing because doing nothing is doing everything!
Warmly,
Your No bull-shiFt, mental fitness, advice giving, S.H.I.F.T. Powerful Planner and Journal for an Unapologetically Kick Ass Life author, shame abolishing, health advocator and doer,
Dr. Dara
