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  • Writer's pictureDr. Dara

Dear anyone maintaining an inkling of sanity…

Updated: Aug 31, 2021

Dear anyone maintaining an inkling of sanity or has not completely lost your shiFt and is managing to read this,

The world has been crazy weird, right? For most of us there has been chaos (at minimum change). What is familiar and known has been turned upside down and things look different. The common reaction in a pandemic or any major event is panic and feelings of stress and/or helplessness. Well, I don’t think it has to be common or the “new norm”. I think this is the best time to to get your shiFt together and write the next chapter of your story however you want it.

I recently asked people WHAT THEY WANT. I keep asking myself the same thing, “WHAT DO I WANT?” HOW DOES THE NEXT CHAPTER PLAY OUT? What can we learn from this experience and where do we go from here? Are you the kind of person that gets excited by the idea to be in control and author your story? Or do you feel stuck and unable to make decisions? Do you feel overwhelmed and not know what to do? Do you feel pressured in the mist of this pause to have to decide NOW what to do? Have we have been given this situation to perfectly implement ideas with a shifted perspective with lots of time to clean, de-clutter our lives and space to re-plan and initiate our new goals. Basically good intentions of getting clarity to make choices and decisions, but feeling completely freaked out!! I can totally relate. Been there, bought the tee-shirt, F*ed it up!

Then, I started thinking…I don’t know why it is called “making a decision”? If you really think about it, decisions make you. They find you and sort themselves out. My experience, the harder I try to make a decision, the farther from the answer I get.

Let’s face it, if you are unsure of something and when you think of it if you tilt your head, squint your eyes, begin shaking, heart rate elevates, pits sweat, or your sphincter literally tightens up- the answer is NO.

How do I know this? Like I said, been there, bought the tee shirt- had it happen! And, NO, I am not spying on you-it happens to everyone. What I also know is when I want something, my body feels loose and I effortlessly say yes without any leaking from my pores (a.k.a. sweating) or involuntary spasms. FYI: Wanting to want something does not qualify as a yes either.

So, what do you do when you can’t decide on something? Nothing! Yes, you read right- NOTHING. Doing nothing gives space for a decision to come to you instead of you “making it”.

I have a do nothing trick: It is called the F*ck It Bucket! Yes, the F*ck it Bucket! Go ahead, read it out loud! Makes you laugh, right? It is like the idea of taking a bunch of sh*t and throwing it against the wall and seeing what sticks. Except there is no sh*t throwing involved. Technically, this is a game of sh*t un-throwing.

When there is a decision to be made, you feel overwhelmed with something, can’t decipher your feelings or can’t figure out what to do next… Put it in the F*ck It Bucket. The F*ck It Bucket is a bucket similar to a sand pail with a shell strainer at the top. You know, when you take shells and put it in the bucket and the sand, gunk, and dirt drips off to the bottom. The ick sifts off what you put at the top and then eventually you are left with the goods. After it has sat in the bucket, the valuable- good stuff stays at the top and the sh*t drops off. Now, let’s apply this to our stickiest, most annoying decision “we have to make”.

Literally or metaphorically put it in the F*ck It Bucket. Take the dilemma and put it in the bucket, in the strainer and do nothing with “it” for 24 hours. Leave it there, let it swirl, sink, or float! If you are like me and 24 hours feels like forever, at least give it a few hours. Come on, there is no decision that cannot wait 3 hours. If you have to decide how you feel about something or determine something in less time than that the answer is NO, because what the hell is that important that you have to know RIGHT now.

When you return to that thing you left in the F*ck It Bucket that you thought was SOOO imminent and important, you will be pleasantly surprised how much energy and power it lost. Note to self: FEELINGS FADE UNLESS RE-STIMULATED! Upon your return to the F*ck It Bucket you will not even have to make a logical, rational choice. It will be clear, the decision will have made you. You will know what comes to mind next to do.

Repeat after me, F*ck It Bucket, F*ck It Bucket, F*ck It Bucket and twinkle your nose like Tabatha from Bewitched two times! Ok, kidding about the nose twinkle, but I am sure it will only help the process!

F*ck It Bucket Rules: – No decision too big or too small – 24 hour recommended hold (3 hour minimum hold) – 1 decision at a time – If you are too overwhelmed what to put in the F*ck It Bucket: Rank concerns (1,2,3…) and prioritize #1first – Only on rare occasion can you put 2 decisions in at a time -If your first response is a YES- THE ANSWER IS YES (Don’t F*ck It Bucket a YES!!) – If your sphincter tightens up so tight you get wrinkles when you think of the idea- the answer is NO, don’t waste your time F*ck It Bucketing it!!

Happy F*ck It Bucketing! Let me know what you arrive at and how much you don’t arrive at!

If you are stuck, email or call me, (954) 296-5692, we can F*ck It Bucket it together!

Warmly, Your no bull-shiFt, mental fitness advising, expert F*ck It Bucketer, Dara

P.S. In the muck, there is gratitude. Something bigger then me and you has placed this pandemic in our path. For today, it is the 50th year celebrating Earth Day. With placing your pre-occupation in the F*ck It Bucket, HOW CAN YOU CONNECT WITH NATURE AND FIND GRATITUDE?

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