Dear everyone that believes that out of darkness comes light…
Do you believe in miracles? Do you believe in prayer, wishes, or karma? I believe that if you believe something so hard, it can’t not happen (That sounds a bit Dr. Suessish or like a riddle, but read it again s.l.o.w.l.y.!).
Despite my innate ability to find gratitude and find the positives of situations, many (sometimes most) moments recently over the past 5 weeks left me thinking my family was in COVID-19 HELL! WE WERE IN A COVID TWILIGHT ZONE! As I learned in my years of wisdom (A.K.A. getting older), feelings are not facts. Despite how I felt, every night before I went to bed from the first night my husband and I were diagnosed with COVID, I visualized us healthy and COVID-FREE. I envisioned specific details in my head (and sometimes when I could muster the energy to read, type on a computer or write it out) of my husband, my daughter, my son, my three dogs and I together, joyful, and healthy. I imagined what we would be talking about like I could hear it in surround sound as if it already happened. I created detailed descriptions of how each of us would feel, our mood, and the particulars of the looks of our facial expressions. I described the sounds of nature with us in it like we were surrounded by it with peace and freedom. I saw the colors of the scenery vivid and bright. My vision was in such particulars I was in vivo. I literally was able to smell the fresh cut green grass and feel the temperature of the crisp, cool, refreshing air. I felt the touch of our children holding my hand. Some nights it was the same familiar visual. Other nights it was different and maybe more or less descriptive. Every morning no matter the challenges of my health I listed at least 5 things I was grateful for. I had open talks with my kids of the reality of Randy’s and my health at a level they could understand and in a way that left them feeling safe, secure, and clear of the healthy path ahead of us. I didn’t say anything or make promises that could not happen. I did my best to be integral with my word and treat every conversation with friends and family as if my kids were standing there. Doing this allowed me to stay in a positive zone and not harp on the worry, fear, or the demonstrative reality and possibilities of the horribleness of COVID. No matter how bad COVID symptoms got, the kids and I put clothes on, did our hair, made our beds and went downstairs to eat breakfast every day. Despite how I, or we felt, we put it in motion to act like well, functioning people. We prioritized to keep living how we wanted to be 100% healthy. You know, I faked it until I made it. I held onto the truths I share with so many, if you want to know what tomorrow will look like, ask yourself what you are doing today! Today is tomorrow’s reality!
I kept pushing and I kept on swimming (keep swimming, keep swimming). Randy kept on pushing, Randy kept on swimming. Somedays it even felt like the current pulled backwards, but we kept treading. And then our prayers, our wishes, your prayers and your wishes came true… After 5 weeks of intense sickness and complications from COVID, Randy tested negative for COVID and his doctor said he was stable enough to come be with us to continue his healing. His doctor believes at this point the best prescription of medicine for Randy’s accelerated healing is love and his family.
I am preoccupied and overwhelmed with joy. I am grateful for every person that messaged, reached out, called, prayed and wished for us to be well and together. Elyah’s birthday wish and all she wanted for her 7th birthday (which is tomorrow) is to be with her daddy. Elyah’s birthday wish came true this morning when she woke up to her daddy knocking at the door after driving all night to see her and her brother. He drove that car on pure determination. You may have been able to hear his car putting and see the smoke out the exhaust, I will get to my family, I will get to my family. Randy’s car had more conviction than the little train that could! I don’t know how he did it. He said the vision of getting here and seeing the kid’s faces fueled him like an energy he did not even know he had. Elyah, almost a 7-year-old now thinks that tomorrow all her birthday wishes will come true!! She prayed and wished for her daddy to be here and he is. She thinks it is a definite she will get the new Barbie app on her iPad “she always wanted”! (Not sure how I will break that un-miracle to her!!) Elyah’s belief to see her daddy, her prayer and wishes never wavered based on how she felt or her fear. She knew exactly what she wanted. And as I visualized and believed it, she did too. We shared that space together and talked about it descriptively repetitively. She helped and taught Nevin how to understand the power of our minds. Her belief kept me strong and focused. She will never completely understand the magnitude of the strength she shared with me. So, is there light after darkness? Your prayers and my prayers have been answered. Tonight, Randy put Elyah and Nevin to bed. Randy gave his daughter a kiss and told her he would see her tomorrow for her birthday. Neither of the kids saw Randy’s exhaustion, weakness, or discomfort today. I don’t think he even felt it fully as the love in his heart overshadowed everything. Elyah and Nevin only saw the light of love that gleamed from their daddy’s eyes and felt the way he adores them. Elyah and Nevin gingerly and softly gave him hugs as they knew just the medicine and care he needed. I don’t see this as a happy ending. I see this as a happy beginning. We are blessed. We are grateful. This is not just us talking about the statistics of the lives COVID has needlessly taken. This is about talking about the statistics of the stories of people living through and KICKING COVID’S ASS! We made it to the other side of COVID with the love and support that was spread around us to make today happen. THANK YOU!
But, we have to STOP ALL THE STATISTICS, one mask at a time! Mask it up people and keep your distance. Really think of all the things that you have to do versus what you want to do. May we all keep making safe, kind, and considerate choices so we no longer have to wish and pray COVID-19 away. May we be happy, may we be safe, may we be healthy, and may we be free from COVID.
In gratitude and love, Your no bull-shiFt, COVID SURVIVOR, advice giving, Covid-19 RANTING, healing, Covid Chronicalling, Mom, Psychologist and grateful wife, Dr. Dara